Like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free

So I've been sucked in the MySpace vortex, and it's a lovely place to be—I'm having a blast over there, actually, running into readers who know me well and meeting readers who are new to me and my books.  And I'm also winding up THE PERILS OF PLEASURE, my book for Avon, and working on a million other things, and my brain is...well, it's toast. Whole-grain toast, perhaps, but toast, nevertheless.

Perhaps intuiting this, my friend Marla (aka "Marbs," as we discussed in the nicknames blog a while back) sent inspiration to me in the form of the following list of metaphors. Apparently they're collected yearly by high school teachers from essays they grade, but precisely how the best-of-the best is compiled and how the list is disseminated, I couldn't tell you.  I'm simply grateful that it is. :)  And I recall seeing some of these before. But they make me laugh every single time. I think I like #23 best, but it varies. So here goes:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.


2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.


3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.


4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room temperature Canadian beef.


5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh,like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.


6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.


7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.


8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.


9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.


10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.


11. From the attic came an unearthly howl.The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.


12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.


13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.


14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.


15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.


16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.


17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River .


18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.


19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.


20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.


21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.


22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.


23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.


24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.


25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

So which one is your favorite?? I think my favorite might be #23. Or #16. :) And do you guys have a reliable source you go to when you want a good, quick laugh? Any good website recommendations? How's life going, in general, this week??

Comments

[Lareign]

Hey Julie! Got your MySpace comment, it is a vortex, isn't it? I think I like "Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do." Very smart-alecky. In fact, I think some of these must have been made in that spirit. I hope so, anyway. I also like 14.

As far as Web sites go, I love theonion.com. So terrible. So funny.

Speaking of clunky metaphors, I figured out one tonight. After work, I was indulging, went to Bath and Body Works, went to the mall, when I found myself in the drive-thru of a fast food place. And I thought, "I should not be here. I should go." But she'd already asked for my order, so I ordered. Then I ate it, sort of enjoying it, sort of not. Then I felt bad.

I knew this would happen. I decided it was like meeting a really cute guy (I pick Steve Nash, but it varies), taking him home, and then realizing you made a mistake. Say, he's married. But yet he's right there and hey, he's a hot guy, so you figure you might as well, uh, utilize him, right? But you know you'll feel guilty the next morning because hey, he's married and you don't need to be doing that with maried people. It's the same way with me and fast food. I don't need to be eating cheeseburgers, and when I thought about it I didn't really want it. But I felt that pesky sense of obligation.

Originally, the cute guy in the scenario had VD, but I couldn't connect VD and fast food. Just didn't work.

So yeah, that's my terrible metaphor. I can't believe I just actually typed that out.

[meardaba]

HAHAH! Those are the best similes I've heard in a while, and unfortunately I hear bad similes a lot. My favourites are (because I can't choose just one): #7, #16 and #19. Honorable mention goes to #20 for all the familiar disgust one can only have for an in-law.

[julie@julieannelong.com]

Lareign, you totally cracked me up!! That's some nimble rationalization you're doing there -- eating a cheeseburger out of a sense of OBLIGATION. I'll have to remember that one. And the hot guy/cheeseburger connection -- quite clever. I bet we COULD somehow connect VD and fast food via metaphor if we really worked at it. But let's not. LOL. And the Onion!! I periodically forget about the Onion. LOVE them. I think the son of an Avon author writes for them...can't remember who!! I'll have to check.

Mear, yeah, #6 is one of my runner-ups, too!! That slayed me. #11 is pretty good, too.

[Kathy K]

ROFLMAOLOL Oh dear Heavens!! This is definitely going out to everyone that I can think of to send it to....

I even think of a bit of one of them and I'm off again.. sore stomach time for sure.
They're all funny, but the one that really tickled my funny bone has to be #9.

"The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't." HUH?? LOL

How crazy is that?? But soooo descriptive, once you get to the description part... what a hoot this list is.
And I've never really thought about finding funny stuff online... but if these are any way typical of some of those sites, it's clear that I *must* do some exploring... Uh, more exploring??

Like you Julie, I've been hooked onto blogging and MySpace space over the last while. I'm doing the eHarlequin 2007 10,000 Book Challenge as well whereon I have to actually *think* about the books that I devour and then regurgitate effects and impressions, what I liked, didn't like, and the like... {I could actually be more confusing, but I'll take pity on all of you!}

Lareign, oh dear... your little blurb was hilarious!

Thanks for the great belly-laugh Julie!! Sure brightens my gray-skied, snowed again, April day. Darned winter! LOL

[CM]

Some of those could totally work. Especially if you were Terry Pratchett.

E.g., from Jingo:

"The rising of [this continent] caused barely a ripple in the purely physical scheme of things. It more or less sidled back, like a cat who's been away for days and knows you've been worrying."

Or from Equal Rites:

"Their world, bounded by an encircling ocean, that falls forever into space in one long waterfall, is as round and flat as a geological pizza, although without the anchovies."

Or Wyrd Sisters:

"Lightning stabbed at the earth erratically, like an inefficient assassin."

[Julie Anne Long]

OK, Kathy, you made me laugh picturing YOU laughing so hard!! It's contagious! By all means, spread these around!! I don't know how you keep track of all the stuff you've got going on online. LOL. My online life is a bit nutty these days!!

Foggy and fREEZING here right now. I'm resisting turning on the heater, but it's awfully tempting.

Courtney, you reminded me of how much I love Terry Pratchett!! Now I'm absolutely in the mood for a Terry Pratchett book. The ones you cited are simply marvelous. Any metaphor involving cats wins me over every time, in particular. And you're right, there IS a fine line between unintentionally hilarious (like most of those above) and startling, inspiring eloquence (a la Pratchett). I think I'll fish one of his books out and read it in the tub right....now. LOL.

[Diana]

Some of these metaphors are really funny. I think my favorites are: #3 (I like its wordiness), #4 (gross, but it does its job of making me visualize the metaphor), #6 (I'm guilty of overusing the word "like" sometimes), #8, and #20.

Life is going all right at the moment. I found out from my lab tests that I have a mixed urinary tract infection, so I've been taking antibiotics since Thursday. I was told they may cause dizziness, and I've been feeling headachy/sort of dizzy for the last three days. It's a bummer, especially since I'm currently on my spring break. I just hope to feel better soon. The thing is, I don't think I ever noticed any symptoms of a UTI, so I'm glad I was tested. Does anyone here know much about UTIs? I read up on it a little after finding out I have one.

[Kathy K]

My second daughter has had a lifelong battle with them, but they are soon to be at an end... for the most part anyway. Meagan was born with both ureters (tubes from the kidneys to the bladder) totally blocked. But she never had any symptoms of UTI's and it wasn't until she was toilet trained we noticed something wrong. She had surgery at 3 to clear out the blockages, but scar tissue developed in her left ureter causing another blockage, and at 7 she had a second surgery, but this time only on the left side.
She's had so many UTI's that she knows when she needs to go on antibiotics ~ although sometimes convincing the drs. that she knows what she's talking about (she mostly has no pain involved) is another thing ~ and a number of kidney infections subsequent to the surgeries, especially the left kidney. Now at almost 20 and after undergoing numerous tests over the last 4 months the doctors have discovered that:

1. her left ureter is once again totally blocked AND

2. her left kidney no longer has any functioning tissue and it will, Thank God, be removed.

Hopefully she'll see an end to bladder infections, but even so, if she still has the odd UTI, it'll be much easier to deal with and will be far more likely *normal* than they've been to date.

Okay, that's way off what you were asking Diana; I know that UTI's run in my family ~ mat. grandmother, sisters, and daughter ~ and lots of liquids is one of the first things anyone ever told Meagan to do... drink lots of water as it will help flush the bladder. Your system will adjust if you're not used to drinking a lot of water.
And cranberry juice is excellent if you have a UTI or get them often... because it is so high in vitamin C it again works to keep the bladder clearer.

Hope some of this helps... guess I've been building toward this rant thing on my daughter's behalf.

[Diana]

Thanks, Kathy, and I hope your daughter feels better real soon. I didn't feel any pains either, so I'm glad I got some tests done. For as long as I can remember, I'm the type of person who uses the restroom many times in a day, so that wasn't anything out of the ordinary for me, although I found out that that is one of the symptoms of a UTI. If I go to the grocery store tomorrow, I'll pick up some cranberry juice. Kathy, does your daughter drink 100% cranberry juice? I heard that's really bitter.

[Ranurgis]

Diana, I was going to mention too that Vit. C is great for helping the immune system. In the 26 years I've been back from Germany, I think I've had only 5 bad colds 3 of them in the last 3 years. I had a bad one in Jan-Feb and there are 2 reasons why: I haven't been taking Vit. C regularly and 2) while I was moving from one apartment to the other, I came from a moderately warm apartment downstairs, went outside where it was really cold and came upstairs into this apartment in the same building where the temperature was around 80F. I was constanly taking my coat off and putting it on with three different temperatures in about 4 minutes. It was stifling in here when I got back from my sister's today too. So I'm trying to take more Vit. C again. I don't have UTI, at least I've never been diagnosed with it, but I know I've also had bladder infections, the worst one being together with two other infections around Christmas 1988. I also have a problem with frequently running to the bathroom and both my mother and sister have had similar problems. My sister has also had a kidney infection. Maybe I should talk to my doctor about this. My sister is actually a nurse and she got me through a bladder infection while we were having an 80th Birthday Party for my Mother + Family Reunion at her former lodge, by making me drink lots of cranberry tea and juice.

Julie, to something else: When I look at those books you mentioned before and at the fact that all three of the other books are now out, while yours still has a while to go before it does, I'd say you have a definite possibility of beating these books. And I saw Gaelen Foley's book on NYT yesterday.

Where do you find those ratings? Could you give me a site, please?

By the way, there's a jeremiad, not too long that I added to your March 25 blog.

I really don't know if I want to get onto MySpace or not. What are the advantages?

Where would you get wheat grass? I've heard, I think, that you can grow it yourself. But would you go to a pharmacy or a drugstore? Or something like a bulk food store or health food store

Police car just went whizzing by. I hope there's nothing serious going on. At least I haven't heard any heavy trucks since I got home. We had enough of those on the 401, our first superhighway they started building after an autobahn model in 1935. It's also called the MacDonald-Cartier freeway because it runs between Montreal and Windsor across from Detroit. Sir John A. MacDonald was our first PM and of course, Jacques Cartier was the first European in Canada in 1534 since the Vikings. It was to symbolically unite the two "founding" nations. It wasn't finished until the 1950s.

Those metaphors are hilarious though I find two of them really gross: #10 and #24, and they would have to make #4 "Canadian beef". But I like #9 and #23, but #17, #18 and #20 aren't bad either.

[Ranurgis]

There's just something in the CBS news today about bladder infections and something that may help to cure it:
http://apnews1.iwon.com//article/20070409/D8OCQ8SG0.html

[Diana]

Thanks for the tip, Ranurgis.

I bought some 100% cranberry juice today. Talk about tart! Maybe I'll get used to it the more I drink. I haven't felt dizzy today (knock on wood), so I think my body is getting used to the antibiotics.

[Julie Anne Long]

Hi girls...I posted this whole long comment here earlier...and now I don't see it!! LOL. Huh?? Sigh. I'll attempt it again tomorrow a.m. Diana, we have to get you feeling better!! Your health has been kind of slammed lately, eh?? That sucks. :( But you're getting some good advice from the gang. LOL. Cranberry juice, fluids, LOTS of vitamin c (Airborne, girl!), lemon water (lemon is good for cleaning out the system).

More later!

[Ranurgis]

Okaaay. That's the fourth or fifth time today I've lost what I'd written either to stupidity or a freezing computer.

I was going to write that I felt like Sisyphus who rolls a stone up a hill and then it rolls back down. I've been redoing too many things today. This is the fourth time now on your blog.

Anyway, I'm too tired and maybe I'll be luckier tomorrow. It's 0222h. My back is better than when I woke up but I don't want it all tied up in a knot again. And who knows how long the computer will hold before freezing again.

So bye for now. Hope to be back tomorrow.

[Kathy K]

Hi Diana,

I think cranberry juice can be an acquired taste, but I can't keep it in the house. And yeah, those are some tart berries!

Hope you continue to feel better.

[Kathy K]

And Ranurgis... Sisyphus, eh?? That's an awesome comparison because sometimes, it doesn't matter how often, the www just seems to go it's own way. And we poor, mere mortals must just keep rolling that stone... *grin*

Have a great week all! It still feels like Monday to me; love those long weekends!

[Julie Anne Long]

I think you're getting good advice from the whole team, Diana - so how are you feeling now?? Any different? And Kathy...ugh. Your poor daughter. What a saga. So it really will be improved when her kidney is removed? Let us know when that happens so we can all keep her in our thoughts.

Thanks for the congrats re the #1, Ranurgis!! But you know...I'm still considered a pretty new author, believe it or not, and to make the NYT list, your print runs have to be pretty HUGE, and your distribution has to be good. Gaelen Foley's print runs are doubtless much bigger than mine at this point. Bestseller lists are interesting, in that not every retailer reports to them -- so an author with a very big print run and great sales may theoretically NOT show up on the USA Today list, where an author with a much more modest print run and pretty good sales -- but who is distributed to accounts who DO report sales to USA Today -- MIGHT very well show up on the list. I think my books do well online because readers in small towns with fewer bookstore options often have a harder time finding them. I did a poll as part of a contest a while back, and about 1060 readers responded. The majority of them bought their books online, not always at B&N or Borders or Amazon, but at places like Half.com, etc. They would often prefer to buy them at bookstores (like some of my new MySpace friends), and often go their first, but they can't always find them.

You mentioned before, Ranurgis, that you occasionally had a hard time finding my books in Canada. Avon has very good distribution, so hopefully you won't have any problems come early next year. :)

I usually get my Wheatgrass at the local health food store or at Jamba juice. And I don't like the taste -- and i usually like EVERYTHING -- but it makes me feel fantastic. :)

(And i basically wrote all this yesterday, and it vanished somehow!!! LOL. What's up with that?? I feel like Sisyphus, too, a bit.)

I LOVE the word "jeremiad" btw. LOL.

So how's everything working today??

[Ranurgis]

I'm not doing too badly today. But though it was sunny out the wind was still like a knife. My back's better and that's really important. Can't have Sisyphus rolling stones up a hill with a bad back.

I saw the former landlord today and asked him for rent receipts which he always insists he gave me. I'd really like some of my tax money back. Luckily we have until April 30 to file. Usually I filed by telephone as soon as I got my T-4 slip (my income) about mid-Feb. and I'd usually have my money back in about 10 days. Not this time. I'll be going down to the wire if Frank has anything to say about it and unfortunately he does. He was in Acapulco until April 1 and his brother neglected to tell him I'd called. It was because I was talking to the school-crossing guard that I found out he was in the bank a few doors away.

As to your books, I didn't even see your first 2 and that was while I was still going to Chapters quite regularly. Chapters/Indigo/Coles is one conglomerate of bookstores but they don't all sell the same books. We don't have any Indigo here but they are the ones that bought out the others. Yes, Avon is usually pretty good at distribution.

I guess I meant that they weren't distributed at the stores where I have to buy my books if I want at least a couple of them a month. I don't know if Avon distributes to these stores that sell the books at 25% off the suggested price. It may depend on who does the distribution for those particular stores. I should maybe pay a little more attention to the actual publishers when I go in the next time. There are no Avons among the few that I bought last time. I always like to go the first Monday in the month because then I get an extra 10% off because I'm "better than 55." And I didn't find out that little fact until I was almost 59. Yep, I have to save where I can.

And it was at Chapters that I found BATS after I knew it was out. I still haven't seen some other books I want right now except there. I suppose Chapters gets deliveries a couple of times a week while the other 25% off stores just get serviced once a week.

I think I also told Diana that my mother, my sister and I are known for our bad bladders. I've had bladder infections while my sister has had at least one kidney infection. I'd better stop here and finish some of my other things today. You must still have sunshine out on the West Coast. We did until about 2000h our time. So much nicer than having it get dark around 1600.

Oops, this may be a little out of order but this bit was still hanging at the bottom:

At least I'll earn a little bit of money from the translation. My brother was going to have to pay this one guy $0.25/word even though a lot of it is purely repetitive. He offered me the whole thing for something over $300. And I'm still working on that dratted hydro bill. I'm trying to find a lawyer to talk to now. The hydro company can't, apparently, do anything more. Luckily, I have some friends with sons in the lawyering business. Maybe one of them will give me some free advice. I'm praying one will.

[Lareign]

Just wanted to chime in about availability. Where I used to be just had one bookstore and a Wal-Mart. Where I am now has three bookstores and two Wal-Marts, haha. I'm trying to think where I found your books before...BATS was at Wal-Mart, I believe. But yeah, I have noticed Wally World has a lot of Avon books, which may well be because Avon puts out a lot of books, I'm not sure. But yeah, sometimes even at the three bookstores I can't find something. So online stores are grand. Speaking of which, I think it's already shipping at Amazon, which you probably knew. Do authors mind when books ship two weeks - or more - early?

And yeah, I feel an online book-buying spree coming on, either at Amazon or Booksamillion.com -it's the big bookstore here, they're more predominant in the South, I believe. I have a card there so everything is 10 percent off and some more than that, I think they're trying to keep up with Amazon.

Oh, another question, if you don't mind: Do you know what level you'll be at Avon? Romance, Romantic Treasure, etc.

[Diana]

I feel better, I think. I'm no longer feeling dizzy, so I think my body has gotten used to the antibiotics. Wednesday is my last day of taking them. I plan to get tested again to make sure the UTI is indeed gone.

[Julie Anne Long]

Lareign, just fyi: Authors really, really, REALLY mind when books ship early. LOL. Mine is shipping especially early. Last year WTBW shipped around the 13th or so of September, and it was an October book. TSTS shipped on the 5th of this month, and it's a May book. This is difficult to control apparently, and happens with just about every publisher. But authors mind because another factor that contributes to showing up on lists -- apart from where your books are distributed -- is velocity. Meaning, a lot of books sold in a short amount of time. If your books are trickled out from the online retailers way ahead of time, or put on shelves ahead of time, this erodes the chances of showing up on a list a little bit -- but I'm not entirely certain when online retailers report sales (the minute a book ships, or by it's official pub date?). Then again, I know people with very large print runs of about 200,000 or more that have fantastic sales but don't make lists, because their books are distributed in different channels, channels that don't report sales to lists. Lists, in actuality, tell you very little. LOL.

I still don't understand everything there is to know about distribution. It's a pretty intricate little topic, and different publishers approach it differently, and seem to have different philosophies about it. The objective, really, should be to write fabulous books and sell a lot of them, no matter how that happens. LOL.

I'll be a Treasure at Avon, Lareign.

And Chapters and Books-a-Million were well-represented on my poll, too, because I have a number of readers in the South and LOTS in Canada. You Canadians must be a romantic breed. LOL.

Glad your back is doing better, Ranurgis!! And good luck with your taxes. Those are never fun. I try to get them done quickly, too, just to get them out of the way. And glad you're feeling more perky, Diana. :) Wild, wet and windy weather here today, though! Good staying-in-and-getting-writing-done weather. :)

[Ranurgis]

Glad you're feeling better too, Diana. I still don't have totally free movement but not every little move hit me like a knife. I hope your daughter is doing all right, Kathy K. It must be very worrying for you. I have a friend who had two kidney transplants because they failed her. I pray your daughter never runs into that problem.

I do wonder if Canadian sales are included for some of the reasons you've listed. I guess for 30,000,000 inhabitants Canada isn't doing too badly. One thing you might not know is that, at least a few years ago, Canada had the highest number of computers per capita. That's not necessarily because we're all rich or anything but because we live spread out so far, even farther than you do. Anyone who doesn't live within 50 miles of the border, the St. Lawrence or the Great Lakes to a lesser degree especially Superior and Huron, can be several hours from the next-nearest village or town never mind city. Our area isn't bad but it still takes about an hour to drive to the next-nearest city even half our size. Of course we are only 2 hours from the largest city in Canada, Toronto, which overtook Montreal about 30 years ago when the FLQ and the government of Québec drove out most of the large companies with their narrow-mindedness.

I guess that's why we like blogging too. Not many of us are really near enough spatially to go see our family or other dear ones.

And...that's why we're willing to drive over 6 hours to go on an Easter Egg Hunt in the snow.

[Julie Anne Long]

Do you see tumbleweeds rolling through the blog here?? LOL. Sorry!! I'm here!! But...AAAHH!!<--- That's the sound of me running frantically around doing a millions things. LOL. I'll be working all weekend, and I'll need health and weather reports from everyone. LOL. Just kidding!! But do volunteer them, if you get the urge. CRAZY windy here, for some reason. Sunny, but cold. I'm wearing a hat right now. I'd rather not turn on the heater, but I might have to.

I think 30 million people live in San Francisco alone, Ranurgis. Just kidding. It only feels that way sometimes. The poppulation of just the BAY AREA is about 7 million, and California about 34 million, something like that? And all of Canada only has 30 million people? Sounds peaceful. LOL.

[Kathy K]

Lots of people and a LOT of space; except when you get to the really big cities like Toronto, Montreal and even Vancouver. I like it.. but then I've been in Canada for all but 3 years of my life.
Here in Edmonton we've finally reached 1 million.. hard to believe.

As for weather, etc...Well, my little essay follows: *grin*

Today is nice and sunny!! and warm ~ 18C / 64F... this is an ideal temp for me: my range is anywhere from about 14C / 57F to 22C / 72F. Yesterday it was warm ~ 16C / 61F, but sooooo gray that it looked awful!
Much prefer the sun.

After last weekend I'm feeling in the absolute pink of health!! I slept most of the Easter weekend away 'cause I had a migraine from Thursday to Saturday when I finally got Joe to take me to emergency for my shot.. and then I still felt sick. I had the flu on top of it.. that didn't end until Wednesday... been a long time since I've felt that sick that long... and I can wait a loooonnnnngggg time again!!

Hope your weather and health are okay... and don't get yourself so busy that you have no time for you Julie! What would we do without you?? LOL

[Julie Anne Long]

Oh poor Kathy!! A migraine, and then the flu?? That's awful!! Poor baby! How do you feel now?? I hope you're better.

It's odd, but here in California we very seldom get those gray, warm days. It's been glorious here, actually, very sunny and nicely warm, if strangely windy, which does nothing for allergy sufferers. LOL. We're supposed to get some rain later this week, but it won't catch us up for the year. We're behind.

And because the news of the world has been so awful today, sometimes it just helps to look at Knut the Polar bear cub:

http://www.spiegel.de/fotostrecke/0,5538,20321,00.html