I've been thinking about men

I’ve been thinking about men.

Actually, at any given moment of any given day that sentence might conceivably be the answer to the question: “So, Julie, what have you been thinking about?”  Every day, certain musings cycle predictably through my mind, much like those announcements that scroll overhead on screens at bus and train stations, and men (the dears) invariably make an appearance (or two or three or four or…) in my daily thought parade.

What I was thinking was this: A friend of mine thinks Brad Pitt is hot. I, on the other hand, think Brad Pitt is strangely puffy, with very small lips, and he has…what is that? Is it a lisp? It’s something like that. He’s more interesting to me now than years ago, what with his globtetrotting humanitarian streak and all, but still…he’s never been my cup of bouillon.

I suppose, once upon a time, long ago, I had a “type” (as in, Q: “what’s your type?” A: Not Brad Pitt.) I would have said my type was tall, lean, dark haired, dark eyed. Quirky, perhaps. Daniel Day Lewis. :) Oddly enough, I have never once, for any length of time, dated anyone like this. It was just how things worked out over the years, I suppose. And now I no longer really have a physical type at all. And I suppose it’s because…well, when I write, I take great visceral pleasure in describing men and their beautiful bodies, and then I try to give them multidimensional personalities worthy of a reader’s attention for a whole book, but in real life I suspect it isn’t beauty, or looks in and of themselves that trigger that sharp, sweet “I want” in us. And I suspect the first things we notice, respond to, love about men are as singular as we are.

For instance…. maybe it’s because I’m a geek. Or a Virgo. (actually, “geeky Virgo” might be redundant. Except for Cameron Diaz and Raquel Welch. But then there’s Elvis Costello. The ultimate geeky Virgo.). But I find it downright erotic when a man can, say, do math really fast in his head. I get all tingly when a man whips out his…vocabulary. (ha!) I love a smartypants. But there’s more to it, of course.

       As an example, some years ago there was this one guy I fell really hard and pretty instantly for. He was tall. Really tall. I was eye-level with his collar button, and as I’m tall(ish ), this meant I got to feel dainty for a change. He wasn’t exactly buff, or built like a linebacker. He was built like…well, he was built like a guy who sits in front of a computer most of the day, probably because he was basically a guy who sat in front of his computer most of the day.  A bit squishy. His hair was that color that could be considered either brown or blond—it was very short—and it always stuck determinedly up a little in the back. He wore glasses. He had blue-green eyes and the world’s longest eyelashes.

       And his looks were pleasing enough—I certainly liked them—but his looks had very little to do with the “falling hard” part. Two things I remember most clearly about my first impression of him: his voice, and his laugh. I loved his voice. It’s hard to describe, but he had this very low, confident way of speaking, and a timbre that seemed…well, dramatic as it sounds, I’ll use the word “enveloping.” And he had a great laugh, hearty and unselfconscious, and he used it a lot. He was bloody quick: a fast talker, a fast walker, a fast thinker, and very funny.  During our first conversation, I made a lame joke—something about Napoleon’s army shooting the nose off the Sphinx, I think it was (as you can see, I really have no idea how to flirt. I mean honestly, I’m hopeless. Who flirts by talking about Sphinx noses??)—he actually knew what the hell I meant, laughed at the joke…and then, in a non-arrogant way, corrected me on a finer point of history.

       Boom, down I went, felled by the lumberjack of love. LOL.

       Paul Bunyan (ha!) and I parted ways some time ago for various very good reasons, but those kinds of things—the voice, the laugh—are what I mean. I have a friend who loves short, burly men. She melts around them. She really dates no other type. I remember in RACHEL’S HOLIDAY, a great Marian Keyes book, the heroine mentioning how she loves it when a man’s legs are a little too short for his body, which I thought was pretty funny. I have another friend who instantly notices teeth. Teeth are very important to her. Another friend loves a really hairy guy. LOL. But many of us have been surprised over the years by who we’ve actually fallen for, and the things that matter, or stop mattering, when it comes to attraction.

       So what about anybody reading today? Do you have a “type?” And does your sweetie or hubby (present or former) synch up with your type, or is he different? What were some of the first little things you noticed about him, or notice about any man?

(A quick little side note: a number of you have asked if you can post comments without using your email address, and you can, indeed. :) You can just fill in the name portion of the comment, if you like, and go ahead and post, if you're shy about using your email address.)

Comments

[Marcia Hodge]

My "type" of man has changed through the years. As a teenager, it was boys with long hair, white teeth, a hunky body and a golden God tan. In my twenties, it was a fellow with a snazzy car, a good job and a lovely accent (think Sean Connery). In my thirties, the focus shifted a bit to does he have a halfway decent job and a car? In my forties; does he have hair and teeth and not too many ex-wives or dependents? Now, it's a man who is content, has some sort of income and treats me fairly well. In another 10 years it might be; is he breathing and can he pick up after himself?

As for meeting men and terrible come-on lines, I can certainly relate. My ex-husband and I met in college, on my very first day there. I was sitting in the lounge at lunch, stood up at the exact same time he stood up from the next table, turned around as he was turning, and we literally bumped bellies. It was the first time I had laid eyes on him, had never spoken to him before, and the first words that came out of my mouth were: "Now you will have to marry me." He burst out laughing, and 18 months later, we did marry.

[Julie Anne Long]

Marcia, I love your meeting story! I suspect you were a bit of a minx back then, actually. LOL. That's a GREAT line. Of course, for those of us out there tempted to use it, could work one of two ways—1) the way it turned out for Marcia, which makes a great romance novel plot; or 2) the man would have run screaming in the opposite direction from the word "marry" as if you'd shouted "anthrax!" LOL.

And ah, yes, I remember my long-hair phase—where a guy looked simply WRONG if he had short hair. And accents...I, too, went go through a phase where anything with a British accent seemed hot. (this isn't across-the-board true, I'm here to tell you.)

In giving it some thought...though I'm pretty egalitarian these days when it comes to looks, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to fall for a guy with a ponytail. LOL. Having hair is nice, but I like it better when a man doesn't require hair *accessories.* And some guys looks fabulous with receding hairlines, or bald. :)

[Caro in SD]

I think Brad Pitt is hot, Julie!! :) But you're right, he does have a funny voice. I did marry my type, kind of a preppy. :) And this is going to sound silly, but when I first met my husband, I was standing in line behind him at the movies, and I noticed he smelled wonderful. Five dates later, I found out the source of the wonderful smell was his deodorant. LOL. But I still love that smell. I think of Todd whenever I smell it.

[Julie Anne Long]

Yeah, I think I might be in the minority regarding Mr. Pitt, Caro, but I really can't help it. LOL. :) (You know who has a great voice? George Clooney.) And your deodorant story was funny—who hasn't snuggled up with a boyfriend's or husband's shirt while the BF or DH was away on a trip, for instance? When I was in high school, my boyfriend wore Polo (the cologne) all the time. That smell immediately brings him back (can't say that I'm necessarily still wild about it. LOL.)

[Shirley]

I've never commented on a blog before so I hope I'm doing this right!

I like a smartypants, too, Julie, but I ended up with a man who was good with his hands, and when I think about it, it still surprises me. He's a landscaper. He didn't finish college and I have an advanced degree. Somehow, so far, it's working for us. And sometimes he doesn't get my references, but he laughs at himself and at me, but it's nice to have a really capable man for a change. :) (I'm sure there are some capable brainy guys out there, I just haven't managed to date any of them.)

And as for the thing that that drew me to him: he did some work in my garden and he was fantastic with my dog. I love a man who loves animals and isn't embarrassed about it.

(I really enjoy your books. :)

[Lareign]

Julie, Brad Pitt's never really been my cup of tea either. He's too perfect-looking, or something. Yet for some reason I think Steve Nash, who plays for the Phoenix Suns, is just the hottest thing ever. Seriously. Maybe it's the hair. And watching him play, the way he just cuts through the defense, the various ways he scores, the look on his face when he's driving with the ball...ohh man.

I tend to go for taller guys-a good thing, since I'm 5-10. Guys who can make me laugh-I'm puddy in their hands. Seriously. I've been known to fall for guys based on a joke or two they've made.

I'm not married or attached right now (and perfectly fine with that in a lot of ways), but I will tell you about my mom. After a really bad marriage to my dad, she ended up with a guy who is shorter than her, 8 years younger than her, and less educated than her. They just had their first wedding anniversary, and they're absolutely perfect for each other. It's a joy to see them together. It makes me realize that the path of love is not always a conventional one, and perhaps, it shouldn't be. :)

[Heather]

I think Moby (a virgo) might out-geek Elvis Costello. :)

Hands. I like hands. Big hands, long fingers. I notice hands on men instantly. And of course whether those fingers are wearing rings or not. :)

[Julie Anne Long]

Hi Shirley! I'm glad I could be your first blog experience, and happy you enjoy my books! Welcome aboard! Your story is lovely...it sounds like a romance novel plot, in fact (we writers, I swear, see the world in terms of plots.)

Speaking of animal lovers...I once caught a very macho guy kissing my cat! On the head!! When he didn't know I was watching. That's a very good way to make me swoon. :)

I love seeing unconventional couples together, too. It always seems like such evidence of that Pascal quote: "The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing."

Heather: oh, yes. Hands are very important. And I didn't know Moby was a Virgo! Yeah, I'm not sure who would win that particular geek-off. Although I saw Elvis Costello recently, and he's a big guy now. He could probably smash Moby flat if they wrestled. :)

[Discount Vibram Five Fingers]

It’s been a while since I last did any walking/eating tour around the city because I’ve been very occupied with sport activities. However, since I’m forced to take a break from training due to my ankle injury, I have a whole day of gorgeous weather and free time to spend.